No one actually cares,
No one cares

That is what is completely terrifying – and oddly comforting at the same time

What is frightening is that someone might decide to notice me, see what I am up to. I might have likes and followers and subscribers and comments and I will have to live up to other people’s expectations – and produce forever at a high standard I am terrified I cannot maintain.

But no one cares at all, not at all – never a like, no comments ever – and not a return, not even an echo of anything I place out there – is that just depressing or is that terrifying too?

No matter what it costs, even if I bare my soul, lay my whole life on the line, tell everything, say everything – does it make any difference to anyone – ever?

It is terrifying to be so insignificant.
It is terrifying to be noticed.

But does this mean I hide my whole life? Stay in the shadows and carefully curtail myself so I never rise above the crowd in case I become visible?  Weather it is consious or an unconscious set of deeply felt phobias, anxieties and fears – It has controlled my entire life. I do not dare, I am petrified, I cannot move, it does not change.

Terror.

Does my behavior reflect that I must be unnoticed? Does it still have survival value? Do I do this actively?  Never allow myself to succeed incase I am noticed. Is this feeling of terror why I create situations in which I am disliked and wrong and unkempt and rude and insignificant – because I am afraid to be great?

I am ruled by fear.
When you are ruled by this fear, this absolute terror, how can you be great?

You tell me that!